I love my mother!

My aunt's status the other day:

"I WONDER...

What would happen if we treated our scriptures like we treat our cell phones?
What if we carried them around in our purses or pockets?
What if we flipped through them several times a day?
What if we turned back to go get them if we forgot them?
What if we used them to receive messages from the text?
What if we treated them like we couldn't live without them?
What if we interrupted our favorite program to take just one verse?
What if we gave them to our kids as a gift?
What if we made sure our friends and family were on the same plan?
What if we stepped out of a meeting just to read one encouraging verse?
What if we used them when we traveled?
What if we used them in case of emergency?
What if we interrupted our dinner to read them?WHAT IF??"

And my mom commented "Kelsey does do this:)"

I'm not sure if that's entirely true; yes I bring them with me if I'm going somewhere and haven't had the chance to read them yet, in hopes that I'll find time (and I don't usually anyway, but it's the thought that counts right?), but I don't receive much praise or recognition from my parents in general, and it means a lot to me that she would say that. (: I love my mom!

40 days of Feel Good (: EDIT: (read on)

I got a facebook invite today that really seems like a fantastic idea. Here it is if you haven't seen it yet.

What it says is that for 40 days, starting August 1, we are going to:
-exercise at least four times a week
-not eat junk food for 6 days a week (you decide on what you consider junk food)
-no pop
-one hour of service per week
-write at least one sentence in your journal every day 
-read in your scriptures every single day
-pray daily
-no gossiping 
-only 30 minutes of Facebook a day 
-Turn off all electronics before you go to bed to increase your amount of sleep
AND you aren't allowed to say or think anything negative about yourself. If you start thinking negatively, try to think the opposite. 

Imagine what you could achieve if you only tried! :)

It really is such a great idea. I'm going to personalize it a bit and add going to bed between 12 and 1, making the time earlier and earlier as I get close to classes starting (when I have to wake up at freaking 7am every Monday and Wednesday.... shoot me now :P lol), and read an Ensign article every night before bed. I will get no more than 8 hours of sleep a night by setting an alarm and actually getting up when it goes off, and practice violin and piano for a total of at least an hour every day. I will also attend the temple once a week, and whenever I watch TV I will index at the same time, so I'm not just wasting my life away in front of the television :P

I figure blogging about it will help me stay on task, if I know you guys are checking up on me. Feel free to text me throughout the month and see how I'm doing! Positive encouragement is always good. (:

Starts Wednesday, but first step for today: get off the computer and stop being a lazy bum!

EDIT: I can't do the junk food one. I live off of ice cream. (While I'm living at home and have an unlimited supply anyway! Maybe I'll start it when I get to school (: ) Also, I'm not worried about my weight anyway, so I don't see the point of this one :P It's not that I'm giving up or anything, but I only have a few weeks left at home when I can eat such things at my own pleasure. So I'm adapting the original challenge to my own needs!

The next person who reads this will be the 100th viewer! (Well, it will be the 100th time my blog was viewed. Sounded more exciting in my head, but go you!)

I realize the title of this post has absolutely nothing to do with what I'm writing.


It happens.


I have a lot of thoughts running through my head, because of work, because of a book I'm reading, and because of social situations in general. The first is how much I hate it when people lie, whether to themselves or to others. The truth is almost always the best option. If people were just honest about their feelings, others would be able to help them. They can't if they don't know what's wrong, or even that anything is wrong in the first place. Maybe I just speak my mind too much, but reading books and reading what people are supposedly thinking as the events are taking place, it really bugs me when they keep their thoughts to themselves. I guess they can't see the big picture and realize it will help everyone if they just say "hey mom, the reason this bugs me is this." Is it really that hard? I guess this is kind of a random and pointless rant, but the book scenarios were just the start of my thought process. All it's left me to conclude, however, is that honesty is the best policy.


Also, people at work bug me sometimes. This is entirely unrelated to books and honesty (but who knows, maybe I'll end up tying it into honesty somehow). I don't understand why I don't get treated the same as the rest of the "in" crowd, or whatever you want to call them. They're nice and friendly to me, but when they start planning some big party or whatever, they don't bother to invite me. It's pretty much gonna be everyone at work that they like, which apparently doesn't include me. It's not like they're trying to hide its existence from those of us who aren't cool enough to receive an invite, either. I've heard them talk about it on multiple occasions with various different people. (Yes I know that's a repetitive phrase, but I don't even care right now.) What makes me different than them? Is it something I did? Something I said? Or just who I am? Sometimes I think maybe I try too hard. In the book I'm reading, the girl talks about how maintaining popularity is hard work, and that at any moment the platform could fall and you'd be stranded on your own. (See look, I ended talking about my book anyway.) She says "ask a random kid today if she wants to be popular and she'll tell you no, even if the truth is that if she was in a desert dying of thirst and had the choice between a glass of water and instant popularity, she'd probably choose the latter." Seriously? I'd take the freaking water. I'm thirsty just thinking about it. But for some reason, I still try to be like them; still get offended when they don't invite me.


I keep saying I don't care what people thinking, but truth of the matter is, everyone cares, and I'm no exception. There are definitely moments when I care less, but there are also those where I still care too much. "It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and you realize that the people you have known forever don't see the things the way you do. And so you keep the memories, but find yourself moving on" (Nicholas Sparks). When I reblogged this on tumblr recently, I commented that I also realized that the people I used to want to be like aren't the kind of people I want to be around anymore. I used to think they were cool, but now I have realized that they are not. I haven't admitted this to anyone before, but when I first met my roommates at the beginning of last year, just after seeing them the first day or two I thought they were going to be your classic "in crowd" or whatever. A few of them had gone out hot tubbing that first night, while I was left alone at the apartment. At first I wasn't too thrilled at the thought of living with them. But when I saw the roommates my other friends had ended up with, older and more mature, I thought I was glad I got to have the young, fun ones. I saw it as being a break-through, that maybe I'd be friends with the cool kids, and become cool by defect. Of course that's what I had wanted in high school but never got. But as I got to know my roommates, I realized, yes, they were cool and people liked them, but that was because they were nice. They were genuine. They had testimonies. I grew to love them for all that they are. When it came down to it, however, and I could hang out with a bunch of kids in the ward that everyone loved and were fun to be with, there was still something missing. That personal connection, that bond. I came to realize over the course of this year, that while being friends with the cool kids has its perks, what I really needed were true friends. At the end of the day, if I could go talk to one of my best friends, anything else that had happened that day didn't matter anymore. I love them.


Maybe the reason this thing at work is bugging me is the fact that I don't even have any friends to fall back on since they don't care to be my friend. Sure, I've got plenty of friends, but the problem is, they're all between being 40 minutes away to being in Alaska. What am I supposed to do now when I need someone to talk to, tell me I'm great, to reassure me in my moments of self-doubt? Well, I guess the answer I've chosen is to blog, but that'll only get me so far. I miss social interactions. I miss my best friends; all of them. There are between eight and ten people I wish would never be far away. Oh, what's that, I'm moving to Logan where they'll all be 125 miles (2 hours in good traffic) away? With the exception of one who will only be 45 miles away, which is still an hour, but wait, I don't have a car. This is turning into a pity party. Too bad my brother ate the last of the ice cream. I really don't know what I'm talking about anymore.


I guess what it comes down to is, friends are necessary for survival. To be liked is not just a desire, but a need. I do like my alone time, but too much of it isn't good for the health. Case in point, these rambling posts. It doesn't matter what people think, but that doesn't stop us from caring. I miss my friends immensely. I love them more than they know.


One more thing blogging has made me realize about myself: I am selfish.

I'm ready for a new start, a new life. As much as I've dreaded the change, I now await it with open arms.

The Fellowship of the Unashamed

"I am part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have the Holy Spirit power. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made--I am a disciple of His. I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, my future is secure. I'm finished and done with low living, sight walking, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tame visions, worldly talking, cheap giving, and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need pre-eminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean in His presence, walk by patience, am uplifted by prayer and I labor with power.

My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is heaven, my road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions are few, my Guide is reliable, my mission is clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, hired away, turned back, diluted, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the enemy, pander at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity. I won't give up, shut up, let up, until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, give up till I drop, preach till all know, and work till He stops me. And when He comes my banner will be clear!

I must go 'til he comes. Give 'til I drop. Preach 'til all know. And work 'til he stops me and when he returns for his own he will have no problem recognizing me. My banner will be clear."

--unknown

You may have heard that it is by Henry B. Eyring. That is incorrect. There's also the one that was supposedly Boyd K. Packer about the hush falling around heaven when they found out you lived during Pres. Hinckley's presidency, but that one was addressed in a letter from the First Presidency in sacrament meeting a few years ago. I want to know how these all got started? Who decided to start the rumors, and how do they escalate to become Church-wide? I heard this great poem/quote/whatever last week in sacrament meeting, where a girl said they had memorized it on her mission. Really? I mean, it's great, don't get me wrong, but surely someone in the mission should have done their research and realized it was not spoken by an apostle. Oh well. I just spent close to an hour trying to figure out where it's from. I got a lot of results that said Dr. Bob Moorhead, but someone said they checked his site and he said it wasn't him. The best I've got is it was a young man in Rwanda was told to deny Christ or die, and after he was shot on the spot they found the poem in his room. Perhaps Dr. Moorhead quoted this story.

I would love to memorize it, though; it's fantastic.

I Am David

That's the name of a movie I ended up watching con la mia famiglia this evening. It was surprisingly good. There were moments when I felt it was maybe a tad slow, but had I been in a more creative/artistic mood I'm sure it would have just been touching. Nevertheless, when the movie ended it just left me thinking. Maybe it also had something to do with the fact that as soon as it was over my dad went to make a phone call, because apparently my grandmother is in the hospital... But think I did. I thought about the sad times in my life. The scary times. The only time I've ever seen my dad cry (and not while he was bearing his testimony). The things in life we take for granted. The friendships we wish were stronger. The blessings we don't fully appreciate.

Thanks to google, I now know it is also a book! I'm adding it to my list of "must-reads before summer ends." It's one of those movies that really touches you. Similar to August Rush, Les Miserables, and The Ultimate Gift, in my opinion. It makes me think that I really need to appreciate my blessings more; realize all the great things in life, and stop getting so caught up in what people think of me, or how my life is going to change in a month. Life is an amazing gift. We have so many wonderful things. Just the earth itself is enough to make us stand back in wonder and awe at the amazing gift God has given us, not to mention our bodies which are seriously the most incredible mechanisms, and our agency which rather speaks for itself in magnitude. And on top of all that, He blesses us every day, from the little things like finding our car keys to making sure we make it home safely to healing our sicknesses to inspiring others to say just what we needed to hear. Not to mention that He suffered in the Garden of Gethsemane for every little mistake we make, and the big ones too, out of pure love for us. He then was ridiculed, mocked, spit upon, beaten, bruised, and nailed to a cross so that I can live again. He wants all of us there with Him in the Mansions of His Father. He continues to do all He can to make sure we make it there. He loves us with an incredible love, and how do we repay Him? By forgetting to read His words. By not taking the time to kneel before Him and express gratitude for all that He gives us. By thinking not-so-nice thoughts toward others we encounter, whether it be nagging parents (who honestly just have our best interest at heart), ignorant drivers (who let's face it, could be late for a very important life-changing meeting; we've all been there), or even just people who sometimes don't use their heads (we can't all be blessed with incredible thinking capacities, can we?). Whatever the reason, whatever the excuse, our Savior gave His life for each and every one of us. Even if we do all we can it will never be enough, which is why He paid the price to make up the difference. Let's at least do our best, if not better. Make those sacrifices. Be that shining example. Determine now to always be valiant, no matter the cost.

"One key fortification you can build is to decide now, before you face a challenge, where to draw the line."

"Who's on the Lord's side, who? Now is the time to show."

Relatively (a lot) pissed. Computer dead. Phone post. Don't want to actually blog about angriness for people to read.. Yep, that about sums it up. Night, y'all.

There comes a point where I don't have energy for girls anymore. I'm also stuck blogging from my phone, when I'm very contemplative and in the mood for posting.

I know they tell you not to pray for patience.

But I've done it, a few times now. And all that's happening is I'm becoming more impatient. I hate it. What is wrong with me? I'm unfixable. The main source of my impatience is technology, which I am going through a state of loathing with right now. I just want everything to cooperate so I can go to bed, is that too much to ask? Apparently so.

I know what my problem is. Well, one of many, surely. But when something goes wrong, my first thought isn't to pray for help. And it needs to be. That's the only way I am going to become more patient is if, in the heat of the moment, when everything is going wrong and all I'm becoming is more impatient, I just call upon God to help me. And He will.

Deep breaths.
I can do this.

It's nights like these when I wish I had someone I could turn to at any hour and they'd be there for me.

I keep saying things like that, and it just hit me. That's not gonna happen until I realize that God is someone I can turn to at any hour. He is always there for me. Until I reestablish my relationship with Him, (not sure where it went or how it changed, but regardless, I miss it and wish it was back,) I'm not ready for anyone else to be in my life.

That's what my new focus/goal will be. And either way, it is definitely something I'll need for a mission!

I know I make absolutely zero sense in half of this, but it makes sense in my head, promise. And that's the real reason I write, isn't it? Not an extremely long post, but I guess it just didn't take as much time rambling to get me to come to a new realization this time. Now hopefully this blasted technology lets me go to sleep sometime soon. I'm just too stubborn.