This may be a record number of posts in one week

I know I should be sleeping, but I need a moment.

I can't do this.
I just can't.

I spent the day in Provo today, and loved every minute of it. Like, seriously. Everyone there is so amazing, and I realized, I miss friends. I miss seeing people, and just being silly, and having a good time. I miss it, a lot. I then realized how much I am going to miss everyone there. I mean, obviously I will, and it's not a new realization, but it really hit me today. I broke down and started crying on the drive home, and can't help it now either. I have the most amazing friends, and I honestly don't know what I'm going to do without them. And not even all of them are there! Half of them have gone home for the summer. It just makes me so sad. How am I ever going to find such amazing people in Logan? I'm not ready to move. I can't do it. It'll be like the summer of '07 all over again, when I moved away from everything I had ever known, or at least over 80% of my life (but do the first three years really count?). I moved 2500 miles into knowing nothing and nobody. It was one of the hardest things I'd ever done, and here it comes again. I mean, yes, they'll be tons closer, but honestly, how often will I get to see them? And some of them I may never see again!

This is killing me here.
Seriously.
My dog is looking at me all concerned.
Stop crying; it will be okay.

But it won't! I just love them all too much! Why can't they all just move to Logan with me? Why can't I just get married, and everyone get married, and we can all live on the same street?

I'm being so selfish right now, I know. It's stupid. But it's late, and I'm tired, and sometimes you just want to cry.
And for everything to work out perfectly :/

Okay, deep breath.

So when I first got to Provo, I hung out with Ken for over an hour. He's great. Then I saw Chelsey FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE SHE GOT MARRIED. Yes, it was a big deal. Ken and I dropped off a note for Mike at the testing center for when he got out of his test, and we walked around and got Jamba and just talked. I miss her soooooo much. She seriously became my best friend these past two years. She means everything to me.

Then I went and picked up Jasmine, got horchata, and drove my dad to Draper. We talked, and it was just wonderful. I'm glad we're sisters and we're used to not being around each other, so me leaving isn't a huge deal. Even when she lived 5 blocks away I still barely saw her any more than I had when we were 2500 miles away. And plus, we'll both come home for holidays and whatnot, so I'll still see her. And we're almost better when we don't see each other every day anyway :P

When we got back, I hung out at Dan's for about two hours. It was just chill and fun. He made lots of cookies and muffins, and I got to watch :P and sample a few. He's just fantastic.

I left to go see Mike (finally). See, Shayli and I had been planning on kidnapping him and making him come do something fun for his birthday (even though he hates it). But she got held up and had a bunch of stuff come up, so she couldn't make it :/ But I got to spend a little over two hours over there! Cait and Ashley came over, and we played Ticket to Ride (: It was super fun. I love them all. Poor guy had to write a paper on his birthday ): At least he didn't end up having to take that test!

I left and decided to pop by Ryan's apartment. Texting him in the past have proven very unsuccessful (he's not a huge texter, aka he never texts back,) so I decided just showing up is the best plan with him. He and his roommate, Noah, were watching the end of the Celtics game. SO INTENSE. They ended up losing in overtime ): But Rondo was a beast! It was so awesome. Then they decided they wanted to go hottubbing, so I borrowed a suit from Rin and we went over to RainTree and just had a blast. Ryan and I jumped in the pool and raced a bit.. He beat me. I'm so out of shape, it's rather pathetic. But to be fair (or I guess to make the racing unfair), he had just done a triathalon liked two or three weeks ago, haha. But it was seriously so fun! They're really funny guys, and our personalities go great together. It was so fun. If I could just come down and hang out with them every night, I so would.

I didn't end up getting to see Ben, and I feel super bad about it, but hey, there's only so much you can do in a day. Next time, though, I won't be such a terrible friend.

I would totally date any of them, but of course I live so far away and no one even thinks of it being an option. Especially since I'll be going even further away in the fall ): That's not a big deal, though. I know I'll find someone eventually, I'm not too worried about it at this point. Other than that all of these guys are so fantastic! Ahh I'm almost whining again.

Oh, I also went back over to Chelsey's and spend an hour with her and Lawrence, since married people don't have curfews (: They're such a happy couple, and so perfect for each other, it's just darling.

Then I started crying on the drive home, and here I am! Going to bed, finally :P
Not so much of a spiritual post this time.. More of a whiny post. Ugh. I'm sorry. It's just one of those weeks, I guess.

I just need sleep.

David's done it again.

David became one of my best friends throughout the end of high school and our first year of college. He is seriously the most amazing person and the best example. Yes, I know no one's perfect, and there are plenty of things that could get on one's nerves, but he is one of the most righteous, humble, smart, inspirational people I know. He has helped me through so much in my life, I don't even know if he realizes the effect he's had on my life. I love the kid to death.


He's on a mission right now in the Philippines. I've always been completely horrible at writing missionaries, but I told him I'd write him once a week. I would be better. I missed the first week and felt terrible, so I wrote him the next week. And... that's the last time I wrote him :/ I'm a terrible friend, I know it. I don't know why it's so hard for me to just make the time and sit down and write. Especially with him, all I have to do is send him an email. With all the hours I spend online, I have no excuse. And that's exactly the topic his most recent email home talked about. There are no excuses.


I'm going to copy and paste, because paraphrasing and summarizing wouldn't do him justice. He's a genius.


"Dear Family and Beloved Friends, 

I'll begin this week's email by sharing something I've learned with you, perhaps one of the most important of my mission, if applied properly:  God doesn't make excuses.  So often in our lives, we are intimidated and overwhelmed by the tasks that loom on our oncoming horizon.  The mountains we are called to climb at times appear too high, too steep, and too laden with entangling foliage to be conquered.  As I've examined the lives of those I've taught, I've noticed that the ones who experience what Alma termed a "mighty change of heart" (see Alma 5:14) are those who are willing to sacrifice a portion of their desires, fears, habits, and hobbies to the Lord, if they are out of line with His divine counsel and teachings.  Such sacrifice is abundantly apparent in any success achieved in life.  To cite examples from history, the founders of the United States of America placed their lives on the line in signing the Declaration of Independence.  Those soldiers who have fought throughout the history of our country have risked life and limb--and have often given them--to preserve the cause of freedom and peace.  The successful scholar knows that knowledge doesn't just drop randomly into our thoughts, but is bought with the price of deep pondering, anguishing study, and continual trial and error.  So it is with life.  Having given us a knowledge of good and evil, God has given us a choice. Christ has invited us to come unto him through the waters of baptism, without which we cannot receive a remission of sins.  Some may think this is unfair--why would God require us to meet some requirement to obtain forgiveness or to enter into His rest?  What end can such attain?  The answer is simple:  He wants us to attain greater joy, greater righteousness, and greater faith than we have now, and we cannot attain that unless we make the sacrifices and do the work necessary to achieve the task.  The work is the process by which we are refined and perfected.  It roots out our evil habits and lets us live lives free from the constraints of addiction, the blindness of greed, and the pains of regret.  It shows us a better way.  And now, I would like to point out that better way in the lives of a few of our investigators. 

David and Kiel are two young men, ages 18 and 21 respectively.  Both work at Jollibee (a popular fast food restaurant here in the Philippines) and call us every time that they are both free at their apartment to be taught.  Since beginning to investigate the church, they have changed their work schedules and patterns of their lives in order to keep the commandments required for baptism, and haven't once made an excuse.

Jessica and Jallean are two investigators who live very far away from the church.  After about a one kilometer walk from their house just to get to the road, they have to catch a jeepney (if you don't know what that is, look up a picture on Google) to ride the twenty minutes to church, which they pay with their very meager funds (they live in a bamboo hut in the middle of a sugar cane field).

"Sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven," said W. W. Phelps.  I know this principle to be true.  I challenge each of you, when faced with the question: "Why is this so hard?" or find yourself thinking "I can't do this because of __________," remember that Jesus Christ gave His life for each of us, and did so without complaint.  I know that as we sacrifice for Him, God will bless us with happiness and success in all we do in this life, and bear you my witness thereof."

Seriously. Why is he so amazing? That is exactly what I needed right now. And I didn't even know it. All the little things I've been planning on improving that I've just said, "oh, it will come in time," haven't. I should be completely used to a normal sleep schedule right now, but guess what time it is? 3:30am. It's ridiculous. Terrible. I keep pushing it back and just saying it takes time. But that's not true at all. It takes sacrifice. It's a sacrifice I need to be willing to make. Sleeping during normal hours is scripture. (D&C 88:124. I've quoted it before.) And all the other little changes in my life that need to happen. They require sacrifices. This procrastination business is just excuses I keep making for myself. There are no excuses. David made that very clear. It all made complete sense to me, reading through his letter. I knew what I had to do. But what really hit me was remembering "that Jesus Christ gave His life for each of us, and did so without complaint." He had every right to complain, let out a little grumble or word of discontentment. But He did no such thing. He really was perfect in any way. As much as I love David and think he is the most wonderful example, the Savior is the Ultimate Example. He faced everything, more than man can bear. I owe my life to Him, spiritually and physically. I love Him. He is my Best Friend.

"And when I was weak, unable to speak,

Still I could call You by Name.

And I said, 'Heartache Healer, Secret Keeper,

Be my Best Friend.' And You said, 'I Am.'"

I will make this sacrifice for my Lord and Savior. He is worth it. I love Him that much.

Thank you, David.

Old friends

In high school, I became best friends with Mallory around the end of my sophomore year, through swimming. I met Dylan junior year and we became pretty great friends that year, and I think it may have taken until senior year before the three of us became inseparable. We did everything together, and I love them both so much. Mal and I have stayed besties and I absolutely love hanging out with her. We didn't talk a whole lot being at separate schools for two years, but whenever we did it was as if nothing had changed. I feel like she relates to me on so many levels that it's great to be able to confide in her about life. At the same time, we're both huge goofballs when we're around each other. Like seriously, I love being able to just act like a kid again and not care what anyone thinks. It's great. Dylan is kind of a different story. I spent my entire senior year praying and fasting for the kid. He's had such a rough life. His mom's a psycho and kicked him out of the house that year. Since graduating he has fallen away from the church, spent a year partying and getting into some pretty bad drugs and whatnot, experimented with his sexuality... all of the above. He and I hung out last week and just caught up on life. This past year he has gotten his life back on track for the most part, decided to focus on spirituality rather than religion, and he is really into astrology (which can be pretty interesting). We still tease each other and don't have a problem getting along or anything, but somehow our differing opinions always come up. The three of us hung out Saturday night and it was just like old times, but we got talking about our different views on life and things again.

A few things have been on my mind since these two conversations.

First, premarital sex. We are obviously against it, and Mal and I tried to explain why to him. He feels like that's how a lot of marriages die is because they are not chemically compatible, and don't find out till they get married. While yes, a lot of people make it work, it's still a cause of concern. He agrees you shouldn't sleep around, but it opens up a whole other level with a person. The chemical connection, the vulnerability, everything is on the table after that and you can really get to know a person. I can definitely see where he is coming from, but I disagree, obviously. The sacred powers of procreation are between a man and a woman lawfully wed, preferably in a temple of God and sealed together for time and all eternity. You don't need to create that connection with every person you date. It's something special and can cause a lot of emotional damage when abused. (I wish I was better at stating what I'm thinking, especially when I'm actually having a conversation with people, haha.)

Disagreeing with him wasn't that big of a deal. No two people will agree on every subject, that would be absurd. It's not our differing views that really got to me, though. When the two of us were talking last week, he made some comment about how he doubted Jesus didn't "sleep around" when he was on the earth. Now, I know Dylan doesn't agree with the LDS views on things, that is completely fine, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But if you're gonna speak about my Savior and Best Friend like that, I have a problem with it. I called him out on it. He grew up going to church. He should know, after everything he's learned about all that He is and all that He stands for, He would not do something like that. I mean, I know in his eyes it's not wrong before marriage, but to the Church it is, so, really? But he tried to call me out by saying that the Church and the prophets have said it's wrong, but when did Jesus ever say it? I pointed out that the seventh commandment says to not commit adultery, but he agrees that cheating on your spouse is wrong, and premarital sex is a separate matter entirely. I wracked my brains and tried to look up scriptures on lds.org to prove to him that it really is His will to wait until marriage. But I honestly couldn't find a thing. I did point out that prophets are spokespersons for God and that what they say is God's will, but since he doesn't believe in the church it's hard to refute my claim in that respect. The bible is widely accepted though, so if I could only find a simple scripture from the New Testament that talks about it.. But I've almost given up. I mean, the word sex is not even mentioned in the bible. It would say a man "knew" a woman, but that doesn't help much.

This is just frustrating to me. I KNOW it's a commandment for God, and even if all of Dylan's other reasons that it's okay before marriage are viable, the fact that God commands us is enough for me to follow Him in faith. It's not blind obedience. I feel the Spirit testifying to me that what the prophets teach is right and is from God. But how to make Dylan see? I'm not trying to reconvert him to the Gospel or anything, but I won't have him saying such things that are contrary to doctrine, contrary to all that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are and represent. I won't have it.

That felt good to get off my chest. I've thought about asking my parents about it, but haven't found a good time.

I know having friends with good values is extremely important, so I'm going to make sure I don't spend so much time around Dylan that  my thoughts and/or actions begin to change, but I want to make sure he knows we're there for him. He doesn't have very many reliable people in his life, and I want him to know I'm one of them. I love him so much and want what's best for him. If getting him to come back to church were in the cards, I'd try my hardest, but I don't realistically see that happening any time soon. He was one of my best friends though, so I'm sticking around.

On another note, I went home teaching with my dad today! My brother hardly ever goes with him anymore, so usually my mom goes with him, but she was making dinner today so I went! I want to be as good of a visiting teacher as my dad is a home teacher. Seriously, I never realized what a great example he is in that regard. He hardly ever misses a month, and if he does it's not from lack of trying. (And by missing a month I mean one family is never home/doesn't answer their phone/some other odd reason he doesn't get to visit them. But that's usually only one family every now and then!) He's great! I hope I get a visiting teaching assignment soon.

My life hasn't had too much excitement in it lately. I mostly just work, sleep, watch a bit of tv, run errands with my mom. I hope to find a second job soon, and get started learning violin from Carol!

We're leaving for Spring City (population: 1,055) in five and a half hours to put flowers on graves, I should get some sleep before then. I'm excited to spend time with my parents, grandparents, and two of my adorable cousins! Also: last night I didn't get much sleep either; I did this on purpose because I figure after two nights of  not getting enough sleep, tomorrow night I'll crash around a good time and be able to start waking up earlier! I may just start waking up at 9 or 10 this week and slowly work my way earlier, so it's not so overwhelming and hard to do. But it will happen! Self-discipline. A quality I very much lack and need to work on!

I still can't figure out this whole sleeping thing.

I used to wake up after getting 8 hours of sleep and be perfectly rested, go about my day without falling asleep in class, go to bed and start all over again. But now I feel super tired after 8 hours, even after 9. I can't figure it out. Maybe it's the irregularity.. But it's soo hard! First world problems, yeah I know. But this is important for my health. I realized today, that I really should be following the counsel of "early to bed, early to rise." I have no reason not to. And yeah, that's not scripture, but "cease to sleep longer than is needful; retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early, that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated" is. (D&C 88:124, btw.) It will happen.. Eventually.

Another point to make to myself. Or, rather, that my body has made to me? I dunno. But I kinda decided I wasn't gonna be as strict about my "curfew" I guess you could call it, on weekends, and just sleep in and have a grand ol' time. But then come Sunday night, that sucks, as I have found. Seeing that it's 1am right now, and instead of sleeping, I'm writing and talking to Mike.

Although he's got me thinking (as he always does). He hates birthdays because he hates the attention, and is bad at giving presents so he feels guilty when they get him stuff. I guess that should be a lesson in humility for myself, since I'm terrible at presents for even my best friends, yet I always wish for more things on my birthday.. Yeah, sometimes I'm still working on that whole overcoming worldly things aspect of life. But anyhoo. I kind of related his feelings to service. Serving may not get you anything tangible, but it makes you feel so good it makes you want to do more. And the recipient is usually so grateful that they want to pay it forward as well. But even if they don't, no big deal. It's no one's loss, really. And in my mind, I somehow related all this to my prideful view of life, and the Atonement. After all we can do, Jesus makes up the rest. So everyone ends up at the same level, even if some people mess up more than others. And that just doesn't seem fair to me. I mean, yeah, I want everyone to be able to make it back, but if some people don't try as hard, or they only try hard for the last few years of their life, why do they get the same reward as those who have worked their butts off consistently? I understand the concept of mercy. And I guess when I think of it from Christ and Heavenly Father's point of view, in that they want all of their children to make it back and they don't play favorites and love them all just the same, it makes a little more sense, but I guess I'm stubborn and prideful.

...You know what? Applying President Uchtdorf's talk to this helps put it in better perspective. "Don't judge me because I sin differently than you." No one's perfect, and everyone has their own limit on what kind of challenges they can take before they bend. Heavenly Father knows how much we can handle, and will never give us more than we can bear. And he's always there to help us make it, if we only ask. Also, "he who sins against the greater light shall receive the greater condemnation." For those who have been blessed with so much, the littlest things are a bigger deal. For example, Jasmine had a bad day the other day, she just mentally wasn't as positive as usual, and she decided it was because she only read her scriptures 7 minutes that morning.... I sometimes feel like just reading them period is going to help get you through the day, but once you set higher standards for yourself, you're expected to do more to achieve the same results you would have before. It's similar to an addiction. The more you partake of, the more is required to maintain the same results. That's why it's so important to not judge people on little decisions they make, such as caffeine or Sunday activities. Just because I've set myself to a higher standard doesn't mean everybody else has. They're not sinning. But because I've decided the way that is right for me, I have to hold to it.

Wow, what a night for realizations, clarifications and understandings! The more I post, the more I love blogging. I learn more about myself every day. (:

Also: I decided this helps me maintain a more positive outlook towards myself and life in general. I just feel better after broadening my understanding on subjects I may have struggled with. For the future: doing all I can to improve myself each day! Fixing my sleeping schedule, (and thus walking every morning with my mom, and then working out a bit when I get back,) reading more Ensign talks, learning violin, indexing more, making a list of things to get done each day and then GETTING THEM DONE! Productivity ftw!

Also: I decided this helps me maintain a more positive outlook towards myself and life in general. I just feel better after broadening my understanding on subjects I may have struggled with. For the future: doing all I can to improve myself each day! Fixing my sleeping schedule, (and thus walking every morning with my mom, and then working out a bit when I get back,) reading more Ensign talks, learning violin, indexing more, making a list of things to get done each day and then GETTING THEM DONE! Productivity ftw!

Random Acts of Kindness

Today I had the amazing opportunity to help a man in need! I was sitting at the trax station, just waiting for the train, when a guy comes and sits a few seats down from me, talking on the phone. He sounded very upset and on the verge of tears. I (yes, I'll admit I was eavesdropping,) tried to figure out what was wrong by listening to his end of the conversation. I caught things like, "well what're we gonna do? Have our baby sleep in the parking lot?" and "well the mall's closed now, we can't see if someone found your wallet." I also heard something about "stranded in Utah with only 20-40 bucks," and he told her that they'd both have to pray for a miracle... When he got off the phone, I handed him a $20, and we talked for a little bit. They were supposed to take their 6-month-old daughter home from the hospital, so his wife went to buy her an outfit to take her home in. He asked if I was on my way home from work, so when I told him I work as a banquet server, he said his wife has been a waitress for 10 years and absolutely loves it. He seemed like a nice guy, and I really hope everything works out for them! It felt SO good to be able to serve!!

On the way home I was reading conference talks from the November Ensign, and as I read about missionary work and such, it got me really excited to go on a mission. Combined with my service feelings from earlier, I can't wait to be able to serve others and have that feeling 24/7! If I can feel that great just by giving someone a mere 20 bucks, I can't even imagine how it will feel to share something as amazingly fantastic as the restored Gospel!!! It kinda made me wish I could go sooner, but I'm going to Switzerland with my family next summer, so I've gotta wait till July 2013, (assuming the world doesn't end, haha).

So here's my current predicament.

I guess it's not that big of a deal, but it could become a bigger problem than it already is. I can't adjust my sleep schedule. Okay, so I haven't put as much effort into it as I should, but still. I need to be able to wake up earlier. Even when I go to bed at a reasonable time, I still sleep in to the same time. I think once I develop a habit of going to bed when I'd like to, it will become easier to wake up when I need to as well. But until then, I'm stuck. It doesn't help that I have very little self-motivation. I tell myself I need to go to bed, and I continue to a) browse the internet, even though I'm so bored and can't find anything else to look at but keep looking till I find something to mildly entertain myself, b) watch tv, or c) read a book. Now the reading, not such a bad thing, you may think. However, I have this weird thing when it comes to books I'm really into, where I seriously can't put it down until I find out what happens. So I have this bad habit, where as soon as I get to a point where I am seriously considering going to sleep and realize I don't have time to finish the book, I subconsciously decide to just read the "important" parts, aka the dialogue and enough details to tell me what happens, without reading very much of the descriptive nonsense, even if the descriptive helps me really figure out what's going on. But once I finish the book that way, (and it is a ridiculous hour of the morning,) I don't have an obsession to read every waking moment, and I'm content with reading the same amount normal people do when they read a book: whenever they have time/feel like it. So I've sort of finished all three books in the hunger games, but really I'm only about half way through the third book.

So anyhoo. About the sleeping thing. I think I just really need to put my mind to it. I have such a hard time with it, though. I think part of it is my extreme dislike of change. I've been living this way since I started college, almost two years ago. And before that, I still stayed up till around 12 or 1 most nights, I think. ..I don't actually remember. But that's beside the point. I can't deal with change. This next year might kill me, with transferring schools, finding a new job, living, essentially, a different life.. I don't know how I'm going to deal with it. Probably with a lot of ranting my feelings out on here, to be honest.

My life really isn't that exciting, so this blog may not be worth anyone's time to read, but it's worth it to me to be able to figure out who I am. It's honestly something I haven't fully figured out yet. I'm still learning new things about myself every day. I discovered recently, for example, my need to feel secure and safe. That could turn into a blog post in and of itself. I'm sure when I have an experience with it and not just thoughts and feelings, it will happen. Wow, I'm really bad at staying on topic. And at run-on sentences. I guess that just adds to the theme of this blog.

Okay, so here's my plan. I'm going to set an alarm on my phone for 12am every night and that will be my reminder to myself that I need to go to sleep. Eventually, it will happen. And I will set my alarm in the morning for 8am and get up and go walking with my mom and Carol and our dog and the Conway's dog, and that will also prevent me from getting fat. Pretty sure I already weigh more than I ever have, since I've been the same for the past.. at least four years, maybe as much as six. But that's okay, as long as I'm staying healthy I don't really care how much I weigh. So hopefully I can maintain this sleep schedule all summer, maybe allowing myself leeway (side note, I've never written that word before and had to look up how to spell it. Weird.) on the weekends. That will make it easier in the fall when I have a class at 8:30 every Monday and Wednesday... Intro to Music Therapy. Can't say I'm looking forward to getting up that early :/ But I guess it's good for me. And it's only twice a week, I can manage. I hope.

I just realized. If I ever hope to succeed in any of this, the only way I'm going to be able to do it is with my Heavenly Father's help. I need to rely on Him more in my life. I feel rather at a standstill right now, testimony-wise. I need to be improving it, and my spirituality in general, at all times, but I feel kind of stuck. This happens a lot, so I know it's nothing to fret over, but I need to get my butt in gear. Just because I'm experiencing change and living at home for the first time in almost two years is no excuse to let myself slack on getting on my knees every morning and evening. Change like this always interrupts the flow of things and makes it hard to get back on track, but I know I can do it. I've done it before. I'm strong. I keep having a quote from Relief Society today come into my mind.

"We gain a testimony of any commandment of God by keeping that commandment,"  

cross reference John 7:17,

"If any man will do his will, he shall know of the doctrine, whether it be of God, or whether I speak of myself."

 It's not that I don't have a testimony of these things, but in order to strengthen them, in order to be better at them, the only way to get there is by doing it. Reminds me of Ether 12:27,

"And if men come unto me, I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men who do humble themselves before me; for if they do humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

The only way to improve is through Christ. Recognizing my weaknesses and believing, nay, knowing, that He will help me is the only way to make them my strengths.

This is why I go on random tangents. (: I discover things about myself, about the Gospel, about life, that I never would have otherwise. God is great. (:

Okay, I think that's enough for one night. It's only already one, and I must go to bed. Here's to self-motivation and determination to be better mixed with a reliance on my Savior in whom is the only way to reach my destination!

Alright, I'm giving in.

I was convinced I'd stick to tumblr and never create a blog elsewhere, but alas... All you people with blogs I want to follow and keep in touch with are on here! So this is the easiest way to keep track of all of them, I think. (:

So to start things off, I'm Kelsey! Spent the first three years of my life in the Provo area, then off to Maine for 12.5 years, and back to Utah, this time in Murray. (: I love it here. I've spent the last two years at BYU, and I loved it sooo much! I've met SO many amazing people, I can't even begin to describe how amazing my life is. But sadly, I have to transfer to Utah State next year, since it is the only school in the state that offers a degree in Music Therapy. However, I'm super stoked to finally get into my major! I'll be there at least three years, hopefully not much longer; I really don't want to spend the rest of my life trying to pay for college :P I've managed to get by without any student loans so far, though!

I really feel like I'm rambling. I guess that's what blogs are all about though, huh? I'll probs still ramble a bit on my tumblr, but it's mostly reblogs anyway, haha. Which bytheway, if you ever wanna stalk me on there the url is pianobelt.tumblr.com. Yeah, I'm not very original, I know. (: I just really love my piano belt! And it's definitely one of my distinguishing features that people know me by. Such as the random guy I worked with at football games that I talked to probably three times, who knows Mike from Germany and Rin from.. the business program I think? Haha well he remembered me from that anyway. So it's kinda cool.

Reason news in my life: one of my best friends, Chelsey, got married Friday... Don't get me wrong, I'm SUPER happy for her! He's seriously perfect for her, and they're so happy together it's incredible. But it's just weird. Just like I've never had anybody super close to me die (*knock on wood*), I've never had anybody super close to me get married, either. Well, until now. I've discovered over the years that I really don't care for change too much. And this is definitely change. Things are just different when you're married. I mean, granted, I'm moving two hours away anyway, but still, I feel like we won't be as close anymore. Which actually makes me really sad. I love the girl to death. But her wedding was fantastic! Okay, so I wasn't actually in the sealing room for the actual wedding, but the pictures, luncheon, and reception all went amazingly well. And she was ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS. Seriously, I don't know why that girl never likes to get dressed up or wear make-up or any of that, because she was stunning. And I definitely take credit for finding the dress. (: It was perfect for her. Simple enough that it wasn't too over-the-top (which is so not her anyway), yet elegant and gorgeous at the same time! She's just so pretty. Ahh I love her so much!

I really should go to bed. It's 1am. I've stopped working my crazy 10pm-2am shift, which I've had for the past almost two years, so normal sleeping hours are going to take some adjusting to, but nothing will change if I don't try! So to bed I go. Ideally, I'd like to go to bed by 12 every night and be up by 8 so I can go walking con mia madre, and not become a lazy bum this summer :P

I'll end with this thought. I've been reading through the conference issue of the Ensign from the Conference this past October, and I seriously love reading the words of the apostles and prophets! I really wish I had been better about reading these the past 6 months. As soon as I finish them, I'm going to start on the issue from this month and read all the talks from April. I'm really excited for it, because I had a lot of thoughts and ideas of how to help my brother come back to church. He hasn't been for a little over a year, other than a handful of times for various reasons. I know he knows it's true, deep down, but he's just a stubborn little 17-year-old teenage boy who doesn't want to sit through three hours of hearing the same things he's heard all his life. (That's what I gather from when I've talked to him about it.) But after watching conference and attending the last session, I was really optimistic about it! I feel like being home this summer for the first time since I left for college is really going to help. I hope there's something I can do to let him see that the Gospel is the most amazing thing in my life and that he can be a part of it, too! No matter what he's done, we still love him, and he CAN come back. The Lord welcomes him with open arms, as do we. (: