I still can't figure out this whole sleeping thing.

I used to wake up after getting 8 hours of sleep and be perfectly rested, go about my day without falling asleep in class, go to bed and start all over again. But now I feel super tired after 8 hours, even after 9. I can't figure it out. Maybe it's the irregularity.. But it's soo hard! First world problems, yeah I know. But this is important for my health. I realized today, that I really should be following the counsel of "early to bed, early to rise." I have no reason not to. And yeah, that's not scripture, but "cease to sleep longer than is needful; retire to thy bed early, that ye may not be weary; arise early, that your bodies and your minds may be invigorated" is. (D&C 88:124, btw.) It will happen.. Eventually.

Another point to make to myself. Or, rather, that my body has made to me? I dunno. But I kinda decided I wasn't gonna be as strict about my "curfew" I guess you could call it, on weekends, and just sleep in and have a grand ol' time. But then come Sunday night, that sucks, as I have found. Seeing that it's 1am right now, and instead of sleeping, I'm writing and talking to Mike.

Although he's got me thinking (as he always does). He hates birthdays because he hates the attention, and is bad at giving presents so he feels guilty when they get him stuff. I guess that should be a lesson in humility for myself, since I'm terrible at presents for even my best friends, yet I always wish for more things on my birthday.. Yeah, sometimes I'm still working on that whole overcoming worldly things aspect of life. But anyhoo. I kind of related his feelings to service. Serving may not get you anything tangible, but it makes you feel so good it makes you want to do more. And the recipient is usually so grateful that they want to pay it forward as well. But even if they don't, no big deal. It's no one's loss, really. And in my mind, I somehow related all this to my prideful view of life, and the Atonement. After all we can do, Jesus makes up the rest. So everyone ends up at the same level, even if some people mess up more than others. And that just doesn't seem fair to me. I mean, yeah, I want everyone to be able to make it back, but if some people don't try as hard, or they only try hard for the last few years of their life, why do they get the same reward as those who have worked their butts off consistently? I understand the concept of mercy. And I guess when I think of it from Christ and Heavenly Father's point of view, in that they want all of their children to make it back and they don't play favorites and love them all just the same, it makes a little more sense, but I guess I'm stubborn and prideful.

...You know what? Applying President Uchtdorf's talk to this helps put it in better perspective. "Don't judge me because I sin differently than you." No one's perfect, and everyone has their own limit on what kind of challenges they can take before they bend. Heavenly Father knows how much we can handle, and will never give us more than we can bear. And he's always there to help us make it, if we only ask. Also, "he who sins against the greater light shall receive the greater condemnation." For those who have been blessed with so much, the littlest things are a bigger deal. For example, Jasmine had a bad day the other day, she just mentally wasn't as positive as usual, and she decided it was because she only read her scriptures 7 minutes that morning.... I sometimes feel like just reading them period is going to help get you through the day, but once you set higher standards for yourself, you're expected to do more to achieve the same results you would have before. It's similar to an addiction. The more you partake of, the more is required to maintain the same results. That's why it's so important to not judge people on little decisions they make, such as caffeine or Sunday activities. Just because I've set myself to a higher standard doesn't mean everybody else has. They're not sinning. But because I've decided the way that is right for me, I have to hold to it.

Wow, what a night for realizations, clarifications and understandings! The more I post, the more I love blogging. I learn more about myself every day. (:

Also: I decided this helps me maintain a more positive outlook towards myself and life in general. I just feel better after broadening my understanding on subjects I may have struggled with. For the future: doing all I can to improve myself each day! Fixing my sleeping schedule, (and thus walking every morning with my mom, and then working out a bit when I get back,) reading more Ensign talks, learning violin, indexing more, making a list of things to get done each day and then GETTING THEM DONE! Productivity ftw!

Also: I decided this helps me maintain a more positive outlook towards myself and life in general. I just feel better after broadening my understanding on subjects I may have struggled with. For the future: doing all I can to improve myself each day! Fixing my sleeping schedule, (and thus walking every morning with my mom, and then working out a bit when I get back,) reading more Ensign talks, learning violin, indexing more, making a list of things to get done each day and then GETTING THEM DONE! Productivity ftw!